Ready to die.

I'm not planning to kill my self.. never would plan would just do it in the moment.. I'm ready to die anytime... Only reason I am not is I like my pain .. I'll bleed my self slowly... i'll make me suffer.. I hate me.. I hate life.. Just got used again.. And again.. AND AGAIN!..  how slitting my throat sound's beautiful... the sweet edge of my blade running down... How I hate trying to be happy... No one want's me.. I don't even want me... I'm fucked up.. messed up.. derranged.. can anyone help me... save me... Razorblade Salvation...